Compassionate Dialogue 101: Understanding My Communication Style

Welcome to Part Five of our series, Compassionate Dialogue 101: Quick Communication Tips for Problem Solving and Healthy Conflict Resolution. If you missed Parts One through Four, I encourage you to go back and revisit those videos. There, you’ll find insight on how to recognize your feelings, which areas of your life you can apply the communication framework we’re discussing together in this series, how to consider other perspectives you might be missing, and whether your idea of “a good person” and “a bad person” is getting in the way of connection.

Today, I want to talk about something very important when it comes to not just Compassionate Dialogue, but also engaging with people in our everyday lives: how we communicate. This isn’t an open-ended or loose question. There are four specific communication styles, and we all fall into one or more of them at different times.

I’m going to provide a quick overview in this video, but if you want more information, there’s a whole chapter dedicated to this topic in my book Let’s Talk About Race (And Other Hard Things).

Before we go there, know that there is no hierarchy to what I’m about to share. No communication style is better or worse than another. Knowing our default—and the defaults of those close to us—can help us connect, hear others and feel heard, and have more productive conversations.

You can download this free graphic at the link below, but let’s talk through it briefly. The four types of communicators are:

Analytical, Intuitive, Functional, and Personal.

Analytical communicators lead with data and are direct. They rely on solid facts and avoid emotional validation, making rational decisions without letting emotions cloud their judgment. To communicate with them, be logical and time your approach when your ideas are fully formulated. Try to give them time to think things through without pressure.

Intuitive communicators lead with the big picture and are concise. They want to understand the high-level and often make decisions quickly without overanalyzing or getting lost in details. To communicate with them, it’s best to make points from a big picture context and focus on the end result. It’s also good to use visuals.

Functional communicators lead with process and are systematic. They believe in structure and want to understand execution step-by-step. To communicate with them, it’s best to focus on processes from start to finish and try to address your points in a methodical, orderly way.

Personal communicators lead with emotion. They’re diplomatic and value relationships, thoughts, and feelings, often making decisions by considering different perspectives. To communicate with them, try to use emotional triggers (like feeling words) to address points, be authentic and relatable, and be an active listener.

There we go! Again, that’s just a high-level overview, but it should give you enough information to begin to think deeply.

Where do you fall? Where do you think those who are closest to you fall?

I encourage you to do some personal reflection and maybe even use the Communication Styles graphic as a conversation starter. When we know more about ourselves and others, there’s so much more opportunity for growth and connection . . . which is what Compassionate Dialogue is all about.

Stay tuned next month for more free insight and tools to help you deepen your communication skills. As always, thank you for being here. Stay tuned.